A Personal Story of Processing or Digesting Negative Emotionsby Stephanie NashThis is an excerpt from an email to a private client who was wanting a session to "work through" issues before making a decision of whether to commit to a partner or leave the relationship (in response to some intense emotions & thoughts that were arising with this decision.)  The way he "scheduled" these insights to happen reminded me of when, on a 30 day retreat with Shinzen Young, early in my meditation practice, I had actually expected to become completely (classically) enlightened by the 3rd week (and ended up diving into a pool of tears and despair when it didn't happen.)  I still enjoy referring to - i.e. "I'm planning to be completely enlightened by Thursday at 3pm."


This client was working with anxiety - some of which was an always present undercurrent or habit - and some of which was quite provoked by the notion of making a permanent commitment.  After our session, I wanted to share what my experience had been with anxiety.   This is what I wrote:
 
I realized, after the fact, that I spent almost 3 decades of my life with an "ever-present" (it really came in waves) anxiety - which ranged from mild discomfort to debilitating panic attack.  I was sure it was connected to images, thoughts, judgments that I had about myself and others - and there was a truth to that.  What I didn't see was how the HABIT of entertaining (i.e. thinking about over and over) the negative possible outcomes - or the negative judgment of ANY outcome - was a crucial and necessary cause of and contribution to my experience of anxiety.
 
It was when I started having a "complete experience" of the physical sensations of anxiety - meaning I openly accepted , relaxed around, allowed, observed the sensations of anxiety in my body without judgment - that's when these sensations began to flow and turn into an intense and not-unpleasant energy (mostly in my chest - i.e. in the same place the anxiety was.)  Often, the moment I stopped "applying this equanimity" this icky, awful anxiety would resume - so I spent many days and years - continuously (i.e. many many times a day) a) looking at this arising of emotion in the body with acceptance and no judgment, and b) releasing it.  Over time, this "not-unpleasant energy" became more and more intensely pleasant and connected to positive emotions (and quite satisfying.)
 
It was at that point, that I felt/observed the "energy" of the emotion in the body - get released and naturally flow into something positive (usually something along the lines of bliss, enthusiasm, a delighted excitement) that, instead of distorting and causing discomfort, now motivated and fueled.  (Some call that alchemy - or you could say that the tension/judgment/resistance is what causes it to feel not good.) 

So, in my experience,  the very energy that was an ever-present anxiety - became the same energy that fuels my life - creatively with compassion and insight.  It arises to this day (and today I could, if I wanted to, create a new, entirely different Talk & Image to go with it), but since I've logged in so many years of helping it release and flow, that happens almost automatically now - often before I've even had a chance to really delve into it through meditation.  And so  I don't replace the old "Oh no!" with a positive, instead I have compassion for how some of us human beings need to be kind to ourselves and treat our experience (and others) in a healthy way.  (And I do, incidentally, find the voice that said "Oh no!" did start to say "Oh boy!" and now there's hardly a verbal component at all.)
 
Now, in terms of sequence, I worked with the physical/emotional part first.  THEN, over time, I did find that I started to naturally replace the habitual "oh no" fear or judgment in the mind with new more positive thoughts (that were actually closer to the reality of my experience of myself and the world.)  You could say that I processed the emotions and then the thoughts aligned with the new, freer self.
 
Soryu's decision making algorithm, works with both (all 3) components of body & mind at the same time.  I personally found it more helpful to first address the body - however, I've had clients that responded quite strongly to replacing the thought first - but doing it in a reinforcing and loving way i.e. not fantasizing and then trying to hold onto the benefits of the fantasy - but rather, envisioning a scenario or context that was healthy and benefited all. 
 
So whether you work just with the body, or just with the thoughts, or with both - understand that it's not about "getting rid" of unpleasant - or of "grasping onto" preferable thoughts and feelings, but rather of letting go of what's not helpful in the present moment (which is simply there because of habits & conditioning), ofaccepting/allowing whatever feelings arise without resistance, and of appreciating the present moment - allowing the future to be informed by the truth of the present.

So, for example, you could sit in meditation and allow ALL the feelings - maybe all the unpleasant, maybe all the pleasant, maybe both - (I did it with intense anxiety) and allow them to churn and move - like a crock pot - in the body -without attaching meaning or judgment - without connecting them to Thought, and just see what the digestion process looks/feels like.  (That exercise with expansion and contraction is simply one dynamic way of doing that.)  It could be like watching a weather pattern in the body.  That is, in fact, very much what it is like.

And after it has all moved and settled in some way - THEN you can see what thoughts about anything arise.  That is the mindful decision-making process that I like to employ.

 
*PS - This process isn't usually a one-time fix.  It may take weeks, months or even years to fully "digest/process" - it will depend on how much concentration, clarity and equanimity - plus time - you can give it - and/or how much is there to digest.  (You have no idea how deep the roots of this go - i.e. it could link to early childhood experience, or many experiences, etc.)  But I encourage you to let it become a new habit, what you naturally do when these emotions arise.
 
And because this can be a longer term process, I may suggest that you and your future partner find a way to incorporate this process into your relationship - since leaving your partner because of a fear of future or a regret of past (or a fantasy that may never happen in real life) - may not be the choice that is best for both of you.  Maybe it is, but you haven't really considered ways to allow this process WITHIN the relationship. It seems you have  an expectation that you "fix" or "work through" it all first - and then get together - but I just wanted to say that it doesn't always work that neatly.
 
And the last thing I want to say - as you are looking to make this decision, is to encourage you to notice where/when  you feel peaceful, satisfying joy and/or love (either with your partner or alone - whether contemplating committing to your partner or choosing to leave.)  We have so many emotions in our lives - many of which are quite intense and draw our attention to them - and it can be difficult to hone in on what to listen to.  

Well, going with the notion that we don't really want more pleasure (i.e. greater intensity & longer duration) but that we really want a deep satisfaction, I find it helpful to tune into the emotional qualities that reflect that which, to me, resonate more in the peaceful joy category (which I happen to believe is our natural state and a sign of health (on all levels.)) So, this is a "heads up" to maybe pay special attention to that particular flavor as a guide towards what is right for you at this time.
 
And please BE KIND to yourself in this process.  GIVE SPACE for it - without a DEMAND of any kind of deadline or particular outcome.  That's the equanimity part.  We all have things we want, things we think we need, things we want to have less of - and I like to think of this process as learning to accept the beauty of whatever is - while contributing to the unfolding of it all to hopefully make it as healthy and good as possible.  I think that's all we need to do - and in many ways, it's much easier than what most of us are attempting to do (that involves a lot of control and agenda.) Resistance never feels good, acceptance is definitely a yellow Brick Road to feeling good - and being present and appreciative of each moment of this life.

I hope you find this or any part of this helpful for you as you decide on an important direction to take in your life. Tune in with kindness, give space for it to unfold, try not to judge, and enjoy whatever beauty and insights manifest.

Many blessings.
Steph

How Past & Future Affect Our “Present” ~ and How “Fascination” can Helpby Stephanie NashThe Past and the Future are only present in our thoughts.  We often fill our days with these thoughts - totally missing our Present moment experience.  And often, when we do "arrive" to what is happening right now, the emotional feeling flavors in the body, that have been stimulated by the reflection or planning, linger like the ring of a bell after it's been struck.  We are usually totally unaware of how those feeling flavors in the body subtly (or not so subtly) affect our perception, our interpretation of our perception, our motivations, and our resulting behavior.

Usually the nature of the past/future thoughts that we repeat to ourselves is unpleasant or negative - like regret/guilt/anger over what did happen, or anxiety over what might happen.  And this isn't because we are just too negative, damn it! (which, of course, is the process of applying a negative judgment to the fact that we have negative judgments! - a never ending downward spiral) - but due to the fact that our brain is evolutionarily designed to hear negative over positive to help us evolve - although that is a gear we need to evolve out of as it is no longer helpful.

So, in recent classes, I have been playing with the theme of noticing the feeling flavors in the body that were activated by and left behind from any negative thinking - to allow us to accept the physical fact of those sensations with an open allowing - thus helping the feelings (and the corresponding thoughts) flow - and get DIGESTED (by which I mean we extract the nutrients and get rid of the waste.)  And yes, it can be that simple.

It can actually be quite amazing to discover how much EASIER it is to let go of things than to hold on to them, but that is only discovered when one actually does it.  No matter how many people tell you it is so, from the place of holding, tension, judgment and frustration it seems almost impossible to conceive of much less attempt - and there seems to be no reason to trust such a wild concept - "You mean I should open up to and allow unpleasant feelings??"  Yeah.  Tightening up and turning away never works.  The only answer is to open up and turn towards, to accept, allow and let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

So I will often encourage meditators that I'm working with, to notice (in that magical moment of "waking up" from thought to the sensory reality of the present) what feeling flavors linger in the body.  Those sensations are probably familiar and may or many not be pleasant.  And I encourage an acceptance of and relaxing around and through these feeling flavors - which almost always being to "flow" (move/change in some way), and shift into a kind of energy that is not necessarily unpleasant.  Sometimes it's quite pleasant.  (And I will also usually encourage a gentle, fascinated exploration of these sensations, which can be a way to help let go of the resistance - which is what locks the "ick" in place.)

Once someone has had the experience of this, they know the way - and there is a higher probability that they'll be able to do that the next time and the time after that - each repetition creating a new habit (and corresponding neuro-pathway in the brain), so that it can start happening when you're not thinking about it - like a default.

But before such experience is had, there may be a strong resistance to attempting to accept something that is unpleasant.  A storehouse of judgments about that whole notion may be released.

So I use fascination to address this.  I like fascination.  There is a man who puts a quote from me at the bottom of his emails, "If you can get concentrated, get fascinated. ~ Stephanie Nash" - and yes, I used to say that a lot.

I love getting people fascinated in their sensory experience.  I will often guide meditations that are 40-60 minutes long and afterwards most people say it felt like 20 minutes - that's because they stayed concentrated and, (especially considering I always have newcomers), that's because they were fascinated.  I find it interesting and I play tour-guide and point out all the interesting nooks & crannies of sensory experience - be it sight, sound or touch - be it visual experience with the eyes closed or the flowing nature of physical sensations.

And when we get into emotional sensations in the body, fascination not only helps you stay concentrated (and actually emotions tend to do that naturally), but the fascination works here to BY-PASS the resistance.  So whatever emotional sensation you may be experiencing - especially if it's icky, sticky, post-negative thinking  - explore it like a 4 year old explores a lady bug.  (That's my favorite analogy for the open, curious, non-judgmental mind - but until I come up with a new metaphor, I'm sticking with that one.)  To the 4-year old, everything is "Cool!" "Whoa, look at that!"

So the body feels icky - where? What's the texture?  The intensity? Are there different areas?  Is there movement?  As you started paying attention to it, did it start to move or dissipate or spread?  And soon the natural flow it it starts and you just by-passed the judging resistance and got straight to the flow.

And then the urge to hold the thoughts of past & future have less "fuel."  And it becomes easier to let them go and return to the present.  (The present is actually more interesting and relevant, but the HABIT of chewing on thoughts is what we're disecting here.)

So, no matter what your strategy for letting go of the habit of spending your present ruminating about the past & future, check out what's going on in the body in those moments when you "wake up" and if you can turn towards and investigate, or get fascinated, or simply accept and relax around whatever sensations are there - you help those feelings that DRIVE the thinking mind to DIGEST, to PROCESS, to release - freeing you up to the Wonderful World of the Present Moment once again.  It always awaits with open arms.


Stephanie Nash | June 16, 2015 at 6:21 pm | Categories: Practical Applications, Working with Emotions | URL: http://wp.me/p3d87r-i6

It's gonna happen.  It happens from time to time to almost everyone who is committed to a regular discipline of mediation and/or prayer.  In the last week and a half, no less than 7 of my clients have reported to me that their spiritual practice had stalled or become irregular in the holiday period.

The first thing to do is--let go of the guilt!  It's gonna happen.  Especially at this time of year with travel and extra responsibilities added onto already insanely busy lives.  The important thing is to get started again right away.  And remember that the benefits you have gained from your practice are not going to go away. 

Meditation teacher Shinzen Young is fond of saying, "If you can't be disciplined, be clever."  Here are some hints you might try to cleverly get back on track with your practice.

1.  Set a goal where you are sure to succeed.  Even if you were meditating 45 minutes twice a day before your practice stalled, when you restart your practice set a goal that you know you can meet, say 10 minutes, 5 times per week.  It will allow you to feel good about your practice again and will help you build momentum naturally for longer periods of practice.  And you might want to reflect if you stalled because you were biting off more than you can chew in terms of time spent in practice for your current life and circumstances. It is exponentially more effective to practice regularly for shorter periods of time than to practice for longer periods of time irregularly.

2.  Make yourself accountable.  Make a deal with your sangha, spiritual director, life coach, teacher or a friend that you will let them know that you have met your goal. Do this weekly, or even daily, until your practice is re-established. It can be really simple like sending them an e mail or a text.  

3.  Is the reason you are not practicing is because you are bored?  There is no reason to be.  A conversation with an experienced teacher can help you identify ways to modify or refine your practice so that you will be energized again.  You may also try some of the many guided meditations available on line.  (See my Youtube channel for some of them.)  

4.  Last, but perhaps most important, many times we stop practicing because our practice is about to reveal something about our lives that some part of us would rather not look at.  If you go ahead and practice anyway, you will probably find that what is revealed is not nearly as scary as you unconsciously feared.  So, if you become aware of the need to practice, but you find yourself resisting, check in mindfully and deeply for a moment to check if there is any reason for the resistance.  It will be enlightening.  

Are you interested in doing a weekend meditation retreat at home with an excellent teacher? www.basicmindfulness.org.

"Let me respectfully remind you that life and death are of ultimate concern. Time marches swiftly by, and opportunity is lost. Wake up! Wake UP!! Do not squander your precious life." ~ Zen evening chant

"We who are like senseless children shrink from suffering, but love its causes. We hurt ourselves; our pain is self-inflicted! Why should others be the object of our anger?" ~ Shantideva

http://www.tarabrach.com/articles/RAIN-WorkingWithDifficulties.html

Our Appointment with Life1 Reply
From the Assembly of Stars Meditation Hall at Lower Hamlet, Plum Village. This is the first dharma talk of the annual Summer Opening retreat at Plum Village. This short 37-minute talk is in English with a focus on the three energies of practice – mindfulness, concentration, and insight. Both the audio and the video are available below.

Mindfulness is a kind of energy that we can generate. Everyone has the capacity to generate the energy of mindfulness and allows us to be aware of what is going on in our body, in our feelings, in our perceptions, and in the world around us. What is happening in the here and the now. The world around us the object of our mind. If we are not in the here and the now then we cannot know what is happening in the present moment. We have an appointment with life. We may have been running and looking for something elsewhere and we will miss our appointment with life.

Mindfulness is always mindfulness of something. For example, drinking our tea. When you are very aware of something, you are concentrated on something and you begin to see something deeply. Therefore, mindfulness contains concentration. Can we see the nature of no birth and no death in our tea? Mindfulness also carries the energy of insight. What are the three energies? Mindfulness. Concentration. Insight. We can all generate these energies, right from the beginning of our practice. With these three kinds of energies, we can do many things. For example, we can generate a feeling of joy and a feeling of happiness.

How do we live deeply every moment of our daily life? How do we see our conditions of happiness? How do we make use of our suffering?






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This entry was posted in Plum Village, Retreats and tagged 2014 Summer Opening, Three Energies onJuly 10, 2014.